oday is an abnormally nice day outside and to celebrate i thought i would walk somewhere for lunch today, maybe Panda Express, but since i had a previous wondering about that establishment remembered my old friend steaky. sadly, this establishment of goodness is only a couple of blocks down from me. after nearly getting bulldozed by a type-a business woman on the prowl obviously about to land a career deal in which she so needed the cab at that very moment, i realized that i could extend my excursion by walking slowly.

i found out that there is a whole lot more going on than i realize. i ended up walking at the same pace as other people for longer periods of time and overheard parts of their conversations, nothing important except that there are a lot of high school kids out on spring break and OMG, Marcy is a total skank. i ordered my usual Great Steak combo, regular, with a Pepsi, paid got my pastel colored bag and was on my way.

i toyed with the idea of sitting outside to eat, so i explored Chicago's riverfront to see what the deal was. almost immediately i found out that i did not want to eat outside, i mean, it was nice out, but windy with lots of seagulls and plastic people. i thought i'd be safer to eat at my desk where i can guarantee i'll get pooped on from above and everyone is airbrushed.

like usual there was someone yelling outside, but only after the third time did i realize it was at me...i've gotten used to not even responding to "dudey" on the first try because i'd be convinced that someone was just talking about excrement. anyway, someone asked for change and almost instinctively i responded that i didn't....but at least i didn't. i think because i was walking slowly i found that i wasn't in a hurry and mentioned that we could share my lunch together. we sat in the sun. i could tell she was eager to get to the eating, but i wanted to know more about her, what's her story, you know? well, her name was Tammi or Tammy and she explained how she had been homeless for six years and her only family is from Indiana. i asked why she couldn't go back there and she mentioned how they didn't want her there and i thought that sucked. anyway we sat there for a while and talked, she'd obviously been through her story before and it seemed like a script, but it's hard to know why that was. anyway, i gave her my lunch and told her it's because i think that's what Jesus Christ would have done and told her she should apply at Starbuck's...mostly because they could use some different people working at the one we happened to be outside of.

it was a long time since i had realized how much the world can be different simply by changing my interaction with it. i mean more than likely i'll go back to walking fast tomorrow, but this one day, things were different. it was nice. but i still have a hankering for a steak sandwich.

you know, for a while i have been involved with this "emergent conversation" -- not in any sort of national way or anything, but still involved. i find myself now in a new conversation, one more about definition rather than deconstruction. i'm learning that language is very important to illustrating thoughts and i need to constantly remember that i am infantile when it comes to communication.

i've been trying to explain to various people, some friends, some just people about what it is that this Sojourn thing is. i've used words like "emergent", "postmodern", "deconstruction" and "missional". even after having long conversations i am still surprised when afterwards people seem to walk away thinking it's a college group that meets around some candles. i'm finding that people need categories to put things in, in order for them to make sense, they need to reference something, even if the understanding is that this thing that's being described is probably unlike something they have experienced before. christians are the hardest to explain to...they have pre-conceived ideas about what something is because they once when to a church that did something sort of what it sounded like you're talking about so they seem to make a smug assumption that "oh...you're one of those...." granted i should be held accountable to this same criticism...in fact, i hope someone does hold me accountable.

from my experience people want to know where you fit in, what's your title at work? what ethnicity are you? are you a Christian? what kind of Christian are you? what "movement" are you a part of? the sad part is that i think it waters down the meaning on the values behind the definition when you pigeon-hole someone or something. so you automatically group some people together and throw a label on them...i suppose stereotypes exist for a reason, but in a culture that is so focused on individualism it sure is amazing that we're so quick to category everything together and make judgments on them.

anyway, that's what i've been learning and thinking about, it's the ides of march, beware of Brutus.

well, this has been a lonely place lately. sorry, as most of my friends will know, i've been a little busy. so, what's been going on?

Christmas was a fun time this year, i think that as i get older holidays become more special to me, maybe it's because i remember them more, or maybe because i'm understanding more the value of what it means to be together with my family and friends. people you haven't seen for a while come home and you see them, even if for a brief moment, and you remember you are lucky to know wonderful people. you take advantage of the time you have with your family because when life gets a hold of you any other time you forget what it is to just sit and be with each other...and laugh. Christmas was a good time this year.

New Year's has typically been disappointing in years past...the entire world gets ready for the biggest party of the year...and if it isn't you feel let down, but you probably spent a lot of money for something. this year it was different, simpler and more personal. my world was far away and my celebration was in smiles.

now it's back to the machine of life, going back to the constant battle to stay afloat. strangely though, i feel more ready than years past. i feel like i might just be another self-diluting american, but this year may be different somehow...but i'm certainly not going to make any resolutions.

so i had to get to work today at 7:00am again. and again, the Red line sucked. it was cold and almost a half-hour later than scheduled. the loudspeaker overhead kept saying something like "uh, yeah, the train's coming, keep waiting...suckers." so when it comes, it doesn't stop...hmm, guess that one was an express. shortly after that another comes that is super packed, of course nobody stands in the places where there's room, but instead, right in front of the door. finally i nudge my way through to the back of the train where nobody is and i observe.

at some stop a woman was apparently trying to get out and annoyed she announced "This is my STOP! if you get out of my way i can get off this train a LOT easier!" finally gets off and some girl then announces, probably passive-aggressively wanting the girl to hear "she was a b**ch when she got on, and a b**ch when she gets off." yikes!

then at another stop, still packed, people were getting off, the doors close and a woman is informing a man of his affinity for stepping on her toes. when he suggested that the train was crowded and asked what he was to do about that she says "you steps on my toes three times, i would expect that you apologize, we're not animals here." but we are animals. the poor man, he had zero choices, she was sitting with her feet in his space, yet he is to blame. he made allies with people around him even though he said nothing and earnestly tried moving out of the way.

maybe i should ride the train early in the morning more often, because i was certainly wide awake at the end of that train ride. i didn't want to offend anyone by breathing the air that they had claims on. my coat also kind of smelled like the pasta i ate last night, i was worried they might kick me off the train.

/rant

i'm about to go home and hang out with my family for Thanksgiving and i'm very excited to see them and my friends who will be in town for the holiday. i guess that whole spirit of the season is something about being around people you like and whom you would, if you had a choice, like to hang out with. it's true, i can handle my family in small doses, but i'll take what i can experience, my parents deserve a good son, it's just too bad they got me :)

so, i'm thankful for the obvious, friends, family, goodness. but specifically i'm thankful for socks today. they keep my feet warm, without them my shoes would smell so much worse. they are fun and accent my wardrobe. and hoses, hoses make water transport so much more convenient, they conserve and are efficient. they roll up and you can slide them under your bed, like an ab-slide. socks and hoses, that's what i'm thankful for today. and 4-year olds, they're cute. socks, hoses and 4-year olds. thanks God.