well, this has been a lonely place lately. sorry, as most of my friends will know, i've been a little busy. so, what's been going on?

Christmas was a fun time this year, i think that as i get older holidays become more special to me, maybe it's because i remember them more, or maybe because i'm understanding more the value of what it means to be together with my family and friends. people you haven't seen for a while come home and you see them, even if for a brief moment, and you remember you are lucky to know wonderful people. you take advantage of the time you have with your family because when life gets a hold of you any other time you forget what it is to just sit and be with each other...and laugh. Christmas was a good time this year.

New Year's has typically been disappointing in years past...the entire world gets ready for the biggest party of the year...and if it isn't you feel let down, but you probably spent a lot of money for something. this year it was different, simpler and more personal. my world was far away and my celebration was in smiles.

now it's back to the machine of life, going back to the constant battle to stay afloat. strangely though, i feel more ready than years past. i feel like i might just be another self-diluting american, but this year may be different somehow...but i'm certainly not going to make any resolutions.

so i had to get to work today at 7:00am again. and again, the Red line sucked. it was cold and almost a half-hour later than scheduled. the loudspeaker overhead kept saying something like "uh, yeah, the train's coming, keep waiting...suckers." so when it comes, it doesn't stop...hmm, guess that one was an express. shortly after that another comes that is super packed, of course nobody stands in the places where there's room, but instead, right in front of the door. finally i nudge my way through to the back of the train where nobody is and i observe.

at some stop a woman was apparently trying to get out and annoyed she announced "This is my STOP! if you get out of my way i can get off this train a LOT easier!" finally gets off and some girl then announces, probably passive-aggressively wanting the girl to hear "she was a b**ch when she got on, and a b**ch when she gets off." yikes!

then at another stop, still packed, people were getting off, the doors close and a woman is informing a man of his affinity for stepping on her toes. when he suggested that the train was crowded and asked what he was to do about that she says "you steps on my toes three times, i would expect that you apologize, we're not animals here." but we are animals. the poor man, he had zero choices, she was sitting with her feet in his space, yet he is to blame. he made allies with people around him even though he said nothing and earnestly tried moving out of the way.

maybe i should ride the train early in the morning more often, because i was certainly wide awake at the end of that train ride. i didn't want to offend anyone by breathing the air that they had claims on. my coat also kind of smelled like the pasta i ate last night, i was worried they might kick me off the train.

/rant

i'm about to go home and hang out with my family for Thanksgiving and i'm very excited to see them and my friends who will be in town for the holiday. i guess that whole spirit of the season is something about being around people you like and whom you would, if you had a choice, like to hang out with. it's true, i can handle my family in small doses, but i'll take what i can experience, my parents deserve a good son, it's just too bad they got me :)

so, i'm thankful for the obvious, friends, family, goodness. but specifically i'm thankful for socks today. they keep my feet warm, without them my shoes would smell so much worse. they are fun and accent my wardrobe. and hoses, hoses make water transport so much more convenient, they conserve and are efficient. they roll up and you can slide them under your bed, like an ab-slide. socks and hoses, that's what i'm thankful for today. and 4-year olds, they're cute. socks, hoses and 4-year olds. thanks God.

historically i've enjoyed new entries to my life. generally they are good, new conversations to be had, new places to sing, new minds to pick, new clothes to wear, new jokes to laugh at, new pizza ro eat. conversely and similarly new things can be scary, but it's not so much the newness of them, it's the change of it all. i think things like a new job or new place to live are new things that require a certain amount of faith to follow through with... i mean, even if you don't believe in God. but more so if you do.

it's not to say that these new things are efforts to replace the old, it's not that at all, but the hope that it's an addition to a life still worth living. i know on a more pessimistic day i could say that new things are gross, but i think void of emotion i would say they are worthwhile.

have you ever had those days where you wanted something new? when you wanted to go shopping just to buy something because you needed spice for your life? it's easy to do this with material things, at least, perhaps it is for me. but the next step is to find that new-ness in God. i haven't rediscovered him for a while, sure he still amazes me, he still surprises me, but i feel like it's been my fault i haven't found new things in God for a long time. i want to seek him more, i want to find more of him in my whole life.

Marissa Lingen, on taking communion

Sometimes when I take communion, I gloat about the people who have to be Body of Christ with me against their will. James Dobson is a big one that way. This is because I am Not A Good Christian. "We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord," and there ain't nothin' you can do about it, suckahs. Ahem. Sorry. But it was a great theological revelation for me to realize that the Body of Christ has AIDS, has diabetes, has cancer, has everything. The Body of Christ is gay, is bi, is straight, is asexual, is not sure, is sure of something rather more complicated than any of that. Because you can't say, "Oh, well, I'm not bi, my right thumb is bi." Doesn't work that way. So as long as people like James Dobson and the aforementioned worthies of Undefined Cosmic Circumstances keep taking communion, they're part of being transsexual lesbians and unwed mothers and the whole mess of the rest of us who also take communion. Neener neener.

i think this is a remarkable thought.